Unburdening

The hope of spiritual direction is that after a period of sharing some of our life story and narrating our daily lives, a caring, trusting relationship develops between human souls. And with that trust comes one of the greatest gifts of all . . . the invitation and trust to lay our burdens down.

I am amazed at the weight some of us carry throughout our lives. Perhaps it is a childhood experience that was deeply wounding, yet we were told in explicit or subtle ways, to never speak of it. Maybe it is questions, doubt or confusion we have had about God and the Bible that did not feel welcome in our faith community. It may be a crippling addiction we have not been able to overcome, or harm we have caused another for which we cannot forgive ourselves. Whether it’s family secrets, dark thoughts, painful memories, shameful self-awareness, deep insecurities, or a holy host of other struggles, many of us feel we must keep it all to ourselves, carry these burdens alone.

Of course, there is good reason to think and feel that way. What would people think if we revealed more of ourselves? I trust, most if not all of us, have had the thought, “If only they knew the real me . . .. .” We assume the whole truth would render us unlovable, even unworthy of love. Perhaps we have risked more vulnerability, shared some shadow-y bit of ourselves, and been met with criticism, relational rupture, or worse. Better to keep our pain to ourselves than put it out there, and risk the pain of rejection, we reason.

Of course we are guarded. We do not want to hurt any more than we already do.

And yet, the weight of it all can be crushing. The bottled up pain of a lifetime can keep poisoning us from the inside and be completely toxic. And the loneliness of it all is unbearable.

It is true that we cannot share just anything with anybody. We learn the hard way not to throw our vulnerable pearls before swine, to practice discernment around what we share with whom. But I really believe we all need a place where we can share the full, unedited, whole truth of ourselves and our lives, and be met with tender compassion and mercy. Somehow, honestly sharing the pain and struggles, the wounds and flaws, with another human soul, brings it out of the darkness of ourselves into healing air and light. And we find that we are not alone and we are still loved. In fact, it is often the sharing of the deep, hard truths of our humanity that draw us even closer together.

I cannot tell you how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders in the office of my spiritual director. And I hope and pray to offer that kind of space and grace to others. Then maybe, just maybe, we get a taste of what Jesus meant when he said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

If you're interested in exploring spiritual direction, you can read more here, or email me to set up an initial conversation. I am currently seeing people both live in my office at St. Bartholomew's and online via Zoom.

Warmly,

Kimberly