New Year's 2018 - Unexpected Expectancy

Blessings of a fresh new year to you!  I hope this message finds you healthy and hopeful as we wade into a new year.

So you may or may not have noticed that it's been a while since I've written.  You know what happened?  I discovered I was pregnant, an unexpected expectancy!  And just like that, everything changed.  My energy tanked, my hormones and emotions went crazy, and activities like non-stop grazing and doctor's appointments rose to the top of my list.  Some things subsequently fell off my plate.  Like thinking clearly.  And writing.

Thankfully, I work for myself, and I no longer bust my own chops for missing a writing deadline.  I used to feel that no matter what happened to me personally, I had to buck up, push through, and keep cranking, lest, God forbid, I become less productive.  What a merciless way to live, as if we're machines rather than flesh and hearts and hormones.

I know you know this, but our lives are constantly in flux.  "All things are passing" as St. Teresa reminds us in her famous "Bookmark Prayer."  You set your goals and intentions, you make your plans and develop your rhythms, maybe even get in a groove.  And then, something happens.  You or someone you love gets sick.  An aging parent transitions to a home (maybe your home) or Home.  You fall in love.  Your work shifts dramatically.  A child goes off the rails.  Maybe you hear some sort of voice saying, "Greetings dear one!  God's about to do something new with you."  And you cannot keep going, pushing, living like you were before.  At least, not without cost, without harming yourself or others.

When those moments, big or small come, can we give ourselves the grace to drop things, say No where we had previously said Yes, alter our plans, maybe even fall apart?  I remember a wise soul, after my house fire, saying, Competency is not continuing to do everything the same, but honestly naming what you can and cannot do.

I hope and pray as we enter this new year, setting intentions and seeking to (re) establish life-giving rhythms, we will also have the grace to welcome the unexpected, to be fluid in adapting as new life and challenges come our way, and to sense the divine Presence in all the carefully planned and wildly disruptive moments of our year.

May grace and peace abound for you, whatever comes. 

Thank God Our Time Is Now

Thank God our time is now when wrong

Comes up to face us everywhere,

Never to leave us till we take

The longest stride of soul we ever took.

                        ~Christopher Fry



I recently had the joy and privilege of preaching and speaking in my home church, Isle of Hope United Methodist Church in Savannah, GA.  As the prayer, writing and sharing of these convictions felt so nourishing, I feel compelled to share them here, with you dear reader.  I hope for you as I hoped for my Isle of Hope family that these meditations, shared over many weeks, might uplift, encourage, and guide you in these turbulent times.  I echo Harry Fosdick’s prayer for us all, Grant us wisdom, grant us courage for the living of these days.


I’m so grateful and honored to be able to share with you.

I believe the world is held together by the United Methodist Women and organizations like it. 

And I know from my own experience and others in this room that the relationships in this community are also what hold us together.

Of course, it can feel right now like the world is coming apart at the seams, can’t it? 

Or maybe we feel in some ways we’re falling apart ourselves.

The natural disasters, the shootings,

the painful divisions and hateful rhetoric in our country,

so much anxiety, despair, depression,

the humanitarian crises around the world,

illnesses, losses and hardships that deeply impact us and our families.

It’s a hard time to be human.

And it may feel like a hard time to be a person of faith.

So I’m glad we can share this time together. 

My sense is that with all the bad, terrible news, near and far, we are more hungry than ever for good news. 

That in this “post-truth” world, we long for deep truth.

So I hope we can hear some good news, some soul truth,

that uplifts and encourages us, that gives us a sense of perspective and purpose for living in these times.

I want to start with a poem, that I’ve been reflecting with over the past year. 

It’s by Christopher Fry, a British poet and playright, who wrote during the 40’s and 50’s.

Despite living through both World Wars, folks said he was able to maintain an optimistic faith in both God and humanity.

I don’t know about you, but I crave that these days.

The poem is called The Sleep of Prisoners

The human heart can go the lengths of God.

Dark and cold we may be, but this

Is no winter now. The frozen misery

Of centuries breaks, cracks, begins to move;

The thunder is the thunder of the floes,

The thaw, the flood, the upstart Spring.

Thank God our time is now when wrong

Comes up to face us everywhere,

Never to leave us till we take

The longest stride of soul we ever took.

Affairs are now soul size.

The enterprise

Is exploration into God.

Where are you making for? It takes

So many thousand years to wake,

But will you wake for pity's sake!


“Thank God our time is now when wrong comes up to face us everywhere.”

Can we say that?

I think most of us, if we’re honest, strongly prefer times when things are going well, when it feels like there’s a certain “rightness” to our lives and to the world.

I know I do.

And yet I’d like to suggest that our faith, our Christian faith, is made for times like these. 

We are a faith not of those on top, the powerful, the winners,

but the vulnerable, the lowly, the losers if you will.

We follow Jesus, the One who lived a life of absolute surrender to God,

who went the way of the cross, suffering a brutal death, rather than retaliating with violence,

one who bore the absolute worst of our humanity, for our sake, for the redemption of the world,

and came back breathing peace and forgiveness.

Ours is a story that when things look absolutely hopeless,

when it looks like evil is winning the day,

that death is the final word,

God is right in the thick of it all, entering into our human suffering,

bearing it in his own flesh,

to bring new life, peace, liberation, redemption,

to bring God’s kingdom, God’s beloved community,

on earth as in heaven.


And so I think this poem offers us a powerful challenge. 

And really it’s the one Jesus himself issued over and over again: 

Wake up. 

Wake up and see, with God, what is really going on.

Wake up and take longer spiritual strides in following in the way of Jesus.

Wake up and join God in the healing of our world.

I know lots of people struggle these days with why participation in faith communities is waning, why many people aren’t making their home in communities of faith.

There are no simple answers, right? 

But I wonder if part of the answer is not that we have asked too much, but we have asked too little. 

In many cases, we have offered an exit strategy out of this world, but not a new, transformed way to be in it.

We have taught people how to worship Jesus, but maybe not how to live like him, and certainly not to die like him.

And our souls are hungry for so much more, for a vital faith that reorients and integrates everything in our lives around a true Center,

that brings the deep joy and peace and purpose of which Jesus speaks,

and that keeps on changing us throughout our lives so that our hearts become more and more loving and kind,

and we are more and more able and committed to join in God’s creative and liberating and transforming work in the world.

I want that, don’t you?

And so I am thanking God our time is now.

I think it is an auspicious time to be a follower of Jesus.

That while wrong is so much on display, there is simultaneously a powerful spiritual awakening going on in our world, and so much potential for moving more toward God’s vision for our world -

where there is no longer and us and then, but only an us,

where everyone has enough,

where we give up our guns and nucs for shovels and hoes,

where everyone, everyone is liberated from whatever binds or oppresses them-

    debilitating poverty or debilitating wealth,

    addictions to numbing narcotics or mindless accumulation,

    a sense of self loathing or toxic narcissism,

    social networking overwhelm or lonely isolation

    injustices based on the color of your skin, or how you worship God, or who you love,

    or soul-destroying hatred and prejudice.

And I believe God is always, always, always at work, in seen and unseen ways,

To move us, push and pull us, invite us into that fuller vision for us and all the earth.


So the question is, are we in on it?  Are we awake?

Do we have eyes to see, ears to hear what God is up to, right now?

And are we free enough, surrendered enough, open enough to join God in that work?

Are we ready to take our journey of discipleship to the next season of growth and of service?


I have always appreciated Dallas Willard’s definition of a Christian disciple:  one who has decided that the most important thing in your life is to learn how to do what Jesus said to do. And you do that by trying to be with Jesus, stay as close to him as possible, to apprentice in his ways of being and loving and serving. 

In another place he says: A disciple (or apprentice) of Jesus is one who is trying to live their lives as Jesus would if he were in their shoes.  A sort of twist on WWJD, What would Jesus do if he were in your particular shoes?

So how do we do that, right now, in these times, when wrong comes up to face us everywhere?

I.    I think our first priority in these times has to be staying rooted in God through prayer.  In times of crisis, when we feel like our time and energy is demanded elsewhere, perhaps we think of prayer as a luxury we cannot afford.  I see it as a necessity we cannot afford to neglect.  Following in the pattern of Jesus and the great spiritual teachers and leaders of all generations, we have to regularly withdraw from the crowds of people, tasks and responsibilities clamoring for our attention, to seek God’s will and way.  I don’t know of any other way to nurture and sustain the hope and peace, guidance and compassion that is needed now, than by regularly returning to the Source of Life.  When it feels like the ground beneath our feet is shifting every day, we need to be rooted in God, the solid Ground of our Being.

     I’ve been praying and reflecting all year with these verses of Jeremiah 17:7-8:

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, 

   whose trust is the Lord.  

They shall be like a tree planted by water, 

   sending out its roots by the stream. 

It shall not fear when heat comes, 

   and its leaves shall stay green; 

in the year of drought it is not anxious, 

   and it does not cease to bear fruit.

            It can feel like a time of drought--hot, dry, withering, life-draining, soul-sucking.   Seems like everywhere we turn, there is suffering and injustice, hatred and cruelty.  The material worldview that has obsessed much of American culture - where we clamor for more and more of what doesn’t satisfy, and that violates so many others and the earth in the process, dividing us against one another, has left us in a dry, parched places, longing for the living waters of life in and with God.

            And so we have to be so intentional about sinking out roots into living streams, into those things that truly give life, that feed our souls, whatever that is for each of us.

Maybe it’s reading scripture or other spiritual writings that truly feeds you. 

Maybe it’s spending more time in nature - where so many of us describe feeling close to God, where we can still sense the utter beauty and wonder of this amazing world, the hidden wholeness of things, the “dearest freshness deep down things” as Gerard Manley Hopkins puts it.

Maybe it’s listening to uplifting music or podcasts, writing or making art.

I’ve got to put in a plug for silent meditation, centering prayer.  With the world being so busy, so noisy, I think we truly long for silence, not just outside, but inside these monkey mind heads of ours.  We can all feel like legion, right, like there’s a thousand voices clamoring for our attention, such that peace of mind feels really hard to come by.  I can’t think of any more powerful tool than getting quiet, resting in God, and letting God work within you. The days I sit for 20 minutes in the morning flow with so much more peace and contentment and clarity, I am utterly amazed and grateful.

So, dear reader,  

What makes your soul feel plump and juicy?

What keeps you green and vital?

There’s that great line by Howard Thurman: Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

What makes you more fully alive?

How are we all being invited into deeper prayer? 

Friends, we’ve got to be vigilant and intentional about our spiritual lives if we want to be fruitful for God during these difficult times.

II    In times like these, we also need community.  While social media has its place in keeping us connected, it is no substitute for live, face-to-face relationships, and sometimes it seems to do more damage than good.  I don’t know about you, but over the last year or so, when I have felt anxious or discouraged, I have craved more than ever being with other human beings in the flesh.  I can lose heart in humanity reading Facebook posts or the comments sections of articles, but when I’m with real, live people, my hope is restored. 

One of my all-time favorite quotes about being human come from Frederick Buechner.  He is talking about telling our stories, sharing our secrets and he writes this:

What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.  It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are—even if we tell it only to ourselves—because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. 

I believe we all long for relationships and communities in which we can be seen and heard as we really are, with our light and darkness, beauty and messiness.  And yet we can be so fearful of being judged or rejected that we don’t really let people see the real us.  Buechner wrote these lines long before there was Facebook or Instagram, which seem to increase the risk of our only putting forth “highly edited versions” of ourselves, rather than the real thing.   I am grateful beyond telling that in every season of life, God has blessed me with friends with whom I could be my full self, that welcomed and loved the real me.  I believe it is a primary way we come to know the love and grace of God, by being well-loved in our imperfections, not just when we feel like we have it together, but most especially when we don’t.

And while we’re being healed by being loved, we are also participating in God’s healing work in others by loving them.  When we truly experience God’s merciful love for our broken, messy selves, we want nothing more than for others to know that profound grace.  The more we receive mercy and compassion, the more merciful and compassionate we become.  And reciprocally, when I encounter someone who is judgmental and condemning, my guess is that they have not yet experienced forgiveness and grace themselves.  We tend to imitate the God we believe in, so how people treat others communicates a lot about how they view God.  We need community to help us grow in humility and compassion, to teach us that we are in fact not self-made, but are formed and transformed through our relationships. 

And in times like these, I think we need community to remind us we are not alone, that it’s not up to us to mend the whole world, but to see the part we can mend as part of a much greater tapestry.  We each have different gifts and wisdom, different ways of perceiving and acting in the world, different experiences that have shaped us.  So we are called to offer ourselves and give thanks for all the others in our communities that can offer something very different.  I think one of the great gifts of this season in our corporate lives is that the illusion of our independence is being dismantled, and we are being reminded just how much we need one another.

So dear reader,

What are the relationships and the communities in which you can be your full, authentic self, where you truly belong without having to edit yourself to fit in? 

How is God inviting you to know a deeper healing by being loved as you are, and to participate in the healing of others through offering gracious love to them as they are? 

And how can we expand our circles of community to include those most vulnerable to feeling unlovable and unloved, to even our ‘enemies’ who perhaps haven’t yet experienced the transformative grace of God?

III.  While we are invited to journey together in community, we have to walk our own path.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve been hearing this phrase a lot more regularly:  Stay in your own lane.  In other words, focus on your own life, your thoughts, words, and actions, your call to prayer and growth, healing and transformation.  While we are called to love one another in relationship, we are primarily responsible for ourselves. 

How tempting it is to ignore our own lives and instead, get really fixated on others, and not in the good way!  How much time do we spend being critical of or disappointed in others, whether it’s our spouse, friend, colleague, or child or people we don’t even know personally, but deem them wrong or idiotic for thinking or acting certain ways.  How much emotional energy do we expend wishing other people - specific individuals or whole groups-- could just be different, and maybe putting in an effort or two to “fix” them?  When the reality is we have about zero control over other people, and all our well-intentioned comments and posts and suggestions just seem to be hardening us more into our set ways of thinking and behaving.  What if we spent all that time and energy exploring ourselves and seeking with the grace of God, to become the best versions of ourselves?  I wonder if that might be a more fruitful practice, not only for ourselves, but also for our relationships.

In addition to judging others and wishing they would change, we’re also prone to comparing ourselves, seeing how we measure up (or down).   Which has been made endlessly more difficult with things like Facebook and Instagram, right?  How often do we catch ourselves wishing we could be different, more like this person or that?  Why don’t I think or pray or serve like so-and-so?   I mean, how many people in this room have ever compared yourself to Joan Broerman (my mom), and come up short?  Me too!  I am three decades younger, and she runs circles around me!  I have come to accept that God knit me together in her, but not like her.  And here’s the thing . . ..God’s not going to ask you why you weren’t more like Joan or whomever else you might admire or compare yourself to, but were you you?

God made you uniquely how you are, gave you particular gifts and graces, shaped you with particular life experiences, and nobody knows what it’s like to be in your skin, but you, and the One who created you.  So keep your focus on your own life, your own journey, listening only for the One who created you in Love and continues to work within you to bring you into the fullness of who YOU are

IV  Being with Suffering -

In these difficult times, I believe we’ve also got to find a (better) way to be with suffering, ours and others.  As our Buddhist sisters and brothers helpfully remind us, life is suffering.  We are all on the terminal bus, yes?  Everyone and everything we love is passing away, at least in this temporal realm.  As Anne Lamott says in her characteristically raw and witty way:  “Life is both a precious, unfathomably beautiful gift, and it's impossible here, on the incarnational side of things. It's been a very bad match for those of us who were born extremely sensitive. It's filled simultaneously with heartbreaking sweetness and beauty, desperate poverty, floods and babies and acne and Mozart, all swirled together. I don't think it's an ideal system.”   

            But it seems that much of our suffering comes from resisting suffering.  Pretending we’re just fine when we’re falling apart, trying to get over our grief rather than walking through it, numbing or denying our pain with an endless array of distractions and addictions, instead of feeling the pain and letting it move through us.

            And there seems to be a particularly pernicious form of denial in Christian communities.  Where somehow being Christian means you’re not going to suffer or feel pain or fear or anxiety.  Like we always have to be happy, shiny people, or what does it say about our faith?  Well, what it says is that you’re a human being, one with eyes and ears and a heart open to the often painful realities of our lives, that you care deeply such that when others suffer, you feel it along with them.

            The Christian story is not one of pain denial or escape.  The God, incarnate in Jesus, we meet in scripture is the one who enters right into suffering, the one who weeps in and for us, who bears it in us, rather than popping some sort of escape hatch to deliver us out of it.  So actually, when your hearts break for the pain you and others are experiencing, I believe that is God’s loving heart beating good and strong in you.

            I don’t know about you, but when I am suffering, I don’t need to want someone to try to cheer me up or give me several good reasons why I should feel differently.  There’s nothing worse than having misunderstanding, loneliness or guilt, added to the mix of pain one’s already feeling.  No, I want someone who is not afraid of pain, mine or theirs, who can sit in it with me rather than turning or running away.

            When we see suffering, ours or another’s or the world’s, can we be like the good Samaritan, who does not turn away or move to the other side of the road or pretend it’s not there, but moves close and offers what we can to tend the real wounds?  We may not be able to relieve the suffering, but bearing it with one another, helps us to know the loving presence of the God who draws near.

To be continued . . .


In the Wake of the Election

Dearly Beloved,

Like many of you, I am still reeling from last's week election results.  Still welling up with tears at tender moments, often unfortunately in public.  Still having fiery outbursts of rage and indignation.  Still waking in the middle of the night and each morning with a feeling of dread and anxiety.  Still asking, How could this happen? with lots of mostly unsatisfactory answers.

In years past, I have been disappointed when elections did not go the way I hoped. But nothing like this.  Nothing so visceral or so overwhelming.  No, this feels more like the grief I felt after my house burned down.  A place I had called home, that had been a refuge, a safe haven, a sanctuary, was violently taken away, and suddenly I felt so unsafe, vulnerable, and afraid.

Then and now, I believe God is so close.  In fact, it is precisely when my heart splits wide open, when I feel my vulnerable flesh-and-blood so acutely, that God seems most near.  God's is not the shaming voice that says, Get over it.  Stop your crying.  Be strong.  God's is the tender voice that says, I know. I know. This is so painful. I am right here with you, right in the thick of your pain. Holding you and bearing the pain in you and with you.

I wish we could all be so tender and gentle and present with one another, even when we do not share or understand another's pain. The failure of empathy, of even trying to understand where others are coming from, feels like what my pastor called an "unholy fruit" of this bitter election season.  If you are one who is grieving, and have been further wounded by others' lack of compassion toward you, I am so sorry.  I honestly don't know what's worse sometimes - the pain itself, or feeling so invisible in it, like people don't see you, or see you and don't care.  I hope you are finding places and people that are safe, who can see you and hold your pain without trying to diminish or explain it, without trying to cheer you up or fix you.  God made us of tender flesh, and our capacity to feel our own pain and to suffer with others is what ultimately has the power to heal us, individually and in our relationships.  

I know many people are already moving on to the What now?, What's next? questions.  I too have wondered what is mine and ours to do in the days ahead as we live into this new reality.  Those questions need to be asked and answered with lots of prayer and soul-searching.  But I hear some wise voice in me cautioning me and perhaps others from moving forward too quickly.  I wonder if we might resist the urge to try to think ourselves out of our pain.  I wonder if we're being invited to tend our hearts a bit more, linger with our grief, make sure we find healthy and healing expression of all we are feeling, whether that be in our conversation with trusted others or in prayer and ritual or some other form of self-expression.  I know from my experience with other griefs, there is no way around it, only through.  And I'm reminded that each person's process and timetable will be as different as we are.

I am well aware that not everyone reading this is grieving or broken-hearted over the election.  If this is you, I hope then it means you have extra emotional resources to offer others.  If you're not feeling heavy burdened, you can help carry another's load. If you're not wounded, you can tend those who are.  But please be gentle and kind.  If you don't understand or know what to say, I'm so sorry you're hurting might go a long way.  Or a loving silence might be the very best thing you can offer.  We are in this together.  And I don't see a healing way forward toward unity without addressing all the pain heaped up in and between and among us.

I hope and pray in the days to come, we can all open our eyes to really see the pain and fear and suffering around us and in us. After all, we in the Christian tradition believe in a God who does not stand far off, but enters intimately into the flesh-and-blood experience of being human.  May we join God, enter in, bear in Christ and with Christ and for Christ, the suffering of our present times, our fellow human beings and the creation itself, for the redemption of this whole world God so loves.

Only Us

I am convinced most [humans] hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don't know each other. They don't know each other because they don't communicate with each other. And they don't communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.               Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.                    

     As a child, I had a penchant for dividing things into boxes.  I remember standing in the grocery check out line frantically putting misplaced candy back in its proper box, long after my mom had exited the store.  My mom's hairdresser paid me to sort through her big box of curlers and retrieve anything that did not belong - spare change (my payment!), bobby pins, bottle caps, combs and the like.  I craved that sense of order, everything in its right place, nothing that did not belong.

     I have to confess, I did the same with people.  With the naivete of a child, I sorted people into good guys and bad guys, us and them.  My religious education largely supported me in this; I was taught to believe God sorted people - wheat from chaff, children of light vs children of darkness, sheep from goats.   Those who believed the right things, prayed the right prayers, did the right things, did not do the wrong things, we were in God's box.  And everyone else was outside the box; we'd pity you and pray for you, but hey, you chose to be out there.  It was a neat and orderly system.  And how convenient that I was always in the right box!

     Thankfully, God is merciful and kind, and started working in me.  I came to see quite painfully that I was not all that.  I could believe and pray and do the "right" things, but I knew my heart held both light and darkness, love and judgment, wheat and chaff.  Some days, I could be very sheep-like, but other days, I was pure goat.  I didn't live out a tenth of what Jesus taught.  I had far more in common with the Pharisees, whom Jesus regularly criticized, than those with whom Jesus usually hung out, the ones who knew they were not all that.  And my little proclivity for dividing people into insiders and outsiders had no place in Jesus' life.  He was always breaking down those divisions, hanging out with those considered "other," the marginalized, the "unclean."  His was a radical ministry of inclusion.  If anyone was left out, it was the self-righteous ones who looked down upon others.

     God also started orchestrating encounters with the "others."  Having grown up in segregated Savannah and gone to an all-white Christian school, I was paired with a black roommate in a summer honors program.  On a college foreign study trip to the Middle East and Africa, I had my first real conversations with Jews and Muslims, and with people in the "third world."  When I went to seminary, I was hired as a youth minister along with an openly gay Christian classmate.  Before I was ever hired as a pastor at Saint Mark, I had my first exchange with a transgendered woman.  I won't lie to you; I sometimes thought and prayed God would use me to change them.  I humbly learned I was the one in need of conversion.  God was out to liberate me from my dividing, labeling, judging mind, to slowly but surely expand the capacity of my heart for love, to wash my eyes clean so that I would come to see everyone, everyone, everyone as a beautiful, beloved child of God.  There is only Us.  We're all in the same box together.  And being Christian is not about being right, but about being in right relationship.

      In our current socio-political climate, much of the discourse is bent on exploiting our fear, if not inciting hatred, of the "other", dividing us into good guys and bad guys, scapegoating the "Them."  I pray we don't fall prey to this fear mongering and divisiveness.  I pray we seek leaders who come closer to embodying Jesus' mercy and radical inclusivity.  And I pray we open ourselves to the lives of those who are "other" than us.  We may just be surprised who God wants to convert. 

Words as Weapons

I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of words to give life or to deal death.   About the ways we speak with, or unfortunately often AT or ABOUT, one another.   Along with many of us, I’m deeply concerned about our public discourse these days.   If you want to be any more troubled about the state of our dis-union, just read the comments section after any article you find sensible.  I don’t know why I do it; it’s like passing a pile-up on the highway, and you can’t look away from the carnage.

It seems like we argue way more than we dialogue.  We try to change each other’s minds, more than we try to understand another’s perspective.  We tear down, and speak AGAINST, rather than building up and speaking FOR.  Turns out maybe we’re all wielding the weapons we have in our possession --our tongues, and in our digital age, our fingers, which we use to fire off inflammatory texts, emails, FB posts, tweets and the like.

I get it.  I find myself “triggered” every day by the false or frightening, the myopic or maddening, the hateful or hellacious things people are saying and doing.  I want to react, and sometimes I do, with my own ambush of words.  But to what end?  It’s like we’re all wearing those ear muffs and rapid firing, and is anyone left standing unwounded? 

We’re at war.  Every day, we wake up to more bloodshed.  Every which way, we are mowing one another down with our hate and ignorance, our fear and greed.  And whether we choose to really see it or not, we are all wounded and suffering.

Those among us who call ourselves Christians, who say we are trying to live like Jesus,--the Prince of Peace, the Suffering Servant, the one who commanded us to “put down our swords, for all who take the sword will die by the sword” (Matt 26:52), the one who bore the depravity and violence of humanity in his crucified body and breathed forgiveness until the end rather than resorting to violence himself--we are called to nonviolence.   In our actions.  In our words, spoken and written.  In our hearts and thoughts even.

I keep hearing these verses cautioning and convicting me . . .

You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill.  (Matthew 5:21-22, The Message)

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.  (Eph 4:29, NRSV)

No one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so.  (James 3:8-10)

What are we doing with our anger?  How are we wielding our words?  Are we blessing and building up and giving grace to those who hear?  How is God inviting us, even now, especially now, into the school of love and nonviolence?

I don’t know about you, but I have a next-to-impossible time staying true to Jesus during an election season.  No angry dismissal of others?  No retaliation?  Love my enemies?  Pray for perpetrators? Speak truth in love? These are the difficult teachings of Jesus, which we often prefer to ignore, when they don’t align with our political inclinations or even our “rights.” I want to retort, and sometimes do, “Come on, Jesus!  There’s got to be another way.”

He says, Follow me, and sets his face toward Washington DC.

I pray for the strength and grace to stay with him, even when I’d prefer to deny and flee, or draw the sword of my tongue and strike.  Because at the end of the day I don’t see any other way but his beyond this chaos and carnage.

God Knocking

Knocking on the Door

We often describe God’s ongoing pursuit of us as “knocking on the door.”  The idea is that we are home in ourselves and God wants in.  But God is not forceful.  He won’t just barge on in without invitation.  She won’t climb through a window if we bar Her from the door.  So God stands at the door and knocks, waiting patiently for us to hear and open the door.

It’s a helpful image.  But I’ve begun to wonder which side of the door God is on.  After all, as Christians we believe in God incarnate, the God who dwells within us all.  We may think it is we who invite God in from the outside, but God is actually already present all along.  As the Latin inscription Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit reminds us, “Bidden or not bidden God is with us.”

So what if we were to imagine in ourselves an inner room, our own holy of holies?  It is the place of our deepest being and knowing.  And it is the place where God abides.  Unfortunately, it’s not the place where we abide most of the time.  We live in all the other rooms of our house, those we’ve carefully constructed and decorated ourselves.  They are full of all kinds of fancy furniture, inspiring artwork, nifty gadgets—things we think will make others, maybe even God, want to come in and stay a while.  We can spend our whole lives rearranging and redecorating these rooms, preparing for the holy visitation.

But in all our activity, we may miss the faint knocking at our door.  Or we may hear it, go to the front door and find no one there.  Ah, because it’s coming from some place deep inside.  That little room we pass by every day of our lives, only occasionally pausing to hear the knocking or to wonder what or Who might be on the other side.

Maybe it’s God.  In the deepest part of you, inviting you to come in and rest a while.  Inviting you to discover the naked and beautiful truth of who you are in the center of your being.  Inviting you to just be in the Divine presence, to bask in the love of the Beloved.

And if you want, God will swing that inner door wide open and let you in.

Whenever you pray, go into your inner room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who is in secret will reward you.  Matt 6:6

Letting God Have It

I’m grateful I grew up knowing the importance of prayer.  Now granted, sometimes I was a little OCD about it.  My first prayer journal was a binder with color-coded tabs, one for each kind of prayer.  And I dutifully moved through them in order, listing prayers with bullet points.  I felt like I had to pray, and get it right, or else.  

Thankfully, as I grew in my understanding of and relationship with God, I could move beyond the binder.  I came to believe that what God most wanted, was not our carefully formulated words, or our perfectly orchestrated discipline, but us.  And not just our more attractive parts like our gratitude and our concerns for people in need, but also our struggles and questions and parts of ourselves we would prefer to ignore, and hope God does too.

It’s tempting to wait to come to God until we clean up our act, get ourselves put together, have something nice to present.  Who wouldn’t rather show up at God’s doorstep with a bunch of flowers than with a pile of mess?

But Jesus said it so clearly, Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.  

Of course, we all need God.  Some of us simply don’t think we do.  Or we forget.

But occasionally we are nudged into remembering:  God wants us, wants all of us.  Wants us when we’re skipping on sunshine, and when we’re pacing the halls or pinned to the bathroom floor.  When we’re so ecstatic we can’t contain ourselves, and when we’re so grief-stricken we can’t contain ourselves.  Maybe in those moments, we can hear a gentle voice saying, It’s okay.  I’ve got you. Here now, let me have that.  I can hold it.

Perhaps the sickness is not so much what we think or feel or do, but the trying to carry and manage and fix it all on our own.  

Prayer is letting God have it.  And the more of it the better, if you ask me.

Faith as Diving In

For many, January is a time to reflect on the year behind and set hopes and intentions for the year ahead.  For folks of an explicitly spiritual bent, this often includes remembering our longing for God and the gifts this relationship brings.  We may name these in different ways, but I imagine among our hopes, these top the list:  deeper peace and contentment, more presence and quality in our relationships, greater clarity about our gifts and purpose, an expanded capacity for love and mercy and grace.

My sense is that naming what we desire is often much easier than knowing how to receive it.

Unfortunately, sometimes our religious upbringing focuses more on what to believe than how to connect. We often learn creeds and confessions, but not ways for growing in a loving, transformative relationship with God.  Which sadly leaves many people worrying about what we believe, while missing the real gifts for which we long.  It’s like we’re all in our heads trying to figure out what is true about God; meanwhile, this God is closer than our very breath, pleading, I’m right here with you!  See me.  Listen to me.  Love me.  Let me love you.

Faith and belief in God is about so much more than intellectually assenting to certain statements about God.  If I tell my husband Michael, I believe in you, I don’t mean that I concur he exists or take others’ word for it that he’s a swell guy.  I don’t mean I believe it’s true that he was born in Cedar Falls or he has a brother and two sisters.  Believing in him is a relational trust, an inner knowing, a deep love and care, all born of a real, life-and-flesh daily experience of living life with him.

That, I believe, comes closer to what faith in God is intended to be—a living relationship with a loving Presence we come to know in ever deeper ways, and an intimate trust to which we can surrender more and more of ourselves.  This, of course, takes time, a whole lifetime really, to grow and develop.  It involves sustained commitment and practice.  And it transforms everything.

We can stand at the edge of God, as if at the shoreline of an ocean.  We can admire its beauty, make observations, give it lovely names and attributes, consult books and experts to learn more.  But the real adventure begins when we dive in.


Church as Boat

If God is like the Ocean, then churches, at their best, are like boats.  Their purpose is to carry folks from the shores of ordinary life into the waters of God.  They tell the great stories, from scripture and the Christian tradition, of those who have entered these waters before, what they’ve come to know about the love and goodness of God.  Through their rituals and sacraments, they offer folks an experience of the Sacred Sea.  And they equip folks with tools for exploration, teaching them how to swim and how to dive down deep.  In this way, folks not only go out on Sunday sailing expeditions, but they learn to spend more and more of their lives in and with God.  

The Church is a means to an end; that end is getting us into God.  Not just a toe in, and not just ankle-deep, but full-on, whole-life immersion into Mystery.

Unfortunately, it is easy to lose sight of this central purpose, and confuse the means for the end.  Boats can try all manner of things to attract us on board in the first place and keep us there.  After all, the harbor is crowded with boats of various shapes and sizes and with different names and emblems emblazoned on their sides.  It can be tempting to turn things into a competition, and get overly focused on the numbers of folks who choose your boat or sailing company.

And then, debates and arguments break out on board about various things – what color to paint the sails, which way to arrange the deck furniture, who is welcome to board, how to fix the leak that’s sprung and who’s going to pay for it.  To tell you the truth, the sailing crew can spend so much time debating how to best maintain the boat and get folks on board, they rarely have time to get out to Sea.

But no matter what, every seven days or so, each boat pushes out a little from the shore.  A hush falls over the crowd on board.  In the silence, folks may peer out over the railings and take in the immense beauty and power of the Ocean.  We sing and listen to music about the Sea, some of it so moving, the hair on the back of our necks stands straight up.  A crew member, hopefully one who has not only sailing, but also diving experience, stands in the bow and shares some of those great stories about the Sea and exploring its depths.  We are reminded that we are part of Something so much bigger than ourselves.  Hopefully, we come to love and trust the Sea, even if we can’t always understand or control it.  And we are invited beyond our life on shore, and life on the boat, into the Sacred Deep.  

The question is, do we dive in?  Are we inspired enough, and do we find the faith and the guidance we need to plunge into the depths of God?  

It’s wonderful being on board, no doubt, but going overboard is what it’s all about.  And sometimes a little rocking of the boat may be in order. 

God as Ocean

One of my favorite images for God has been the Ocean.  Vast and mysterious, beautiful and powerful, it is not subject to our understanding or control, but invites our awe and exploration.  At times, I have felt the Ocean hold me up; I could just turn over and float over the gentle undulations, trusting it would take me where I needed to go.  At other times, I have felt it crash on me with such brute force and toss me every which way that I wasn’t sure if, when, or how I would resurface. Eventually it would spit me out again on the shore, exhausted and humbled, but oddly grateful.

I have always liked the story in Luke’s gospel where Jesus, when calling his first disciples, tells Simon Peter to put out into the deep water to let down their nets for a catch.  I have interpreted that to mean there is more to be found in the depths than in the shallows.  And I hear it as a holy summons to dive in.  Don’t eddy out in small talk; wade into depth conversation.  Don’t settle for surface relationships; get to know yourself and others deeply.  Don’t just splash around in the shallows of life and God; plumb the depths.

You know how when you first walk into the ocean it can be hard to stay on your feet, not get splashed in the face or knocked around by the breaking waves?  Sometimes, a giant swell will take you down and you lose your bearings.  But then if you keep on walking, or better yet, you lean in and start to swim, you get to that place where you just float over the waves.  And if you sink down deep enough, the ocean will hold you in a quiet, gentle rocking rhythm, even if there’s tumult on the surface.  You just have to get out there far enough and sink deep enough.

I believe life with God is like that.  I hope you’re diving in.